I’m Not More AP Than Thou
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Brilliant!
Yes we shouldn’t split hairs when it is about the fundamental outcome of a whole effort. I have one other AP mommy friend and if we were to both tick off boxes on our AP resume they would be different but we still end up in the same place.
There are compromises in parenting. This doesn’t mean you have to wholly compromise your principals, just know when to fight the battle and when it’s not worth it and to just get on with it.
I had an emergency C-section by a wonderful team that made me feel like I was doing something and a part of it. Not my first choice but, my real first choice was a living healthy baby, all choices after that really mean nothing.
For the record. We didn’t cloth diaper. Our baby was born preemie and spent the first month in the hospital and they had him in disposables. There was too much going on in the beginning it was really just something we didn’t think about for quite some time, I did try various compostable disposables, even one locally made.
So -10 points for me with the diapers. But he is still co-sleeping at 4, so +5, No? And we are vegan so that has to give me at least another+10. Kidding 😉 No score keeping!
haha love the idea of the “AP resume!” It really does feel like that sometimes… And definitely +100 to you for doing what’s right for you, regardless of what others have to say about it!
Thank-you for this! I think reading this has really released me from a lot of guilt! I love the honesty you have when you write. We must do the best we can with what we have, sometimes that’s not a big enough bed for co-sleeping, sometime it’s all the money in the world to buy the prettiest and most expensive slings but we do our best for our children!!
Careful, you don’t want to get into a fight of who is LESS AP 😉
I just stumbled across this post, and I want to yell ‘OMG yes!’. I am so tired of the judgement within AP circles. We don’t bed share, but we do have both our children in our bedroom, with their cots directly against the bed, but I have had to leave an AP group because of the negative reaction to this. It has to stop before new parents disregard AP as too hard. AP should include a lack of judgement towards other mothers choices into it’s values. We all do the best we can.
The Naturopathic Mum recently posted..Surviving a really awful day
Thank God for this article…I was ready to give up on AP and support groups because of the holier than thou attitudes and judgements. Also why the hell is cloth diapering so freakin important within AP? We use the honest company diapers that are chemical free. What is wrong with that…how is that not AP? I feel that cloth diapering is a huge waste of water, time and energy to clean…I would rather spend that time with my baby. Plus you have to wash them twice if you want all the smell and bacteria out of them…who the hell has time for that. This article gave me hope that there are people within the AP community who are not snobby bitches….Thank you for that.
I feel ya, Cori! Just hang in there!
Such a fantastic post Mama. I occasionally feel like I am judged because of my decisions not based on if they are safe or not safe but rather if they are AP enough for fellow Moms.
I too love the resume idea:
We breastfeed, my lo is 17 months and it’s fantastic!
We do not co-sleep (I’m a night shift nurse and didn’t want that to become and issue)
We cloth diaper
We eat mostly organic, but he does enjoy a french fry or two
He is circumcised
We have practiced babywearing since he was little bitty
Thanks for writing this, I’ll be visiting your site from now on.
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Thanks, Meg, and welcome!
Amen!! I left an AP group too! I asked a simple question regarding vaccines and despite makibg it very clear that I was happy and final about my decision which was made through my own research I was apparently ignorant because of my choice to vaccinate! Also i didn’t co-sleep as it was my first baby and i let people talk me out of it. I’m way too lazy to use cloth diapers! And I didnt breast feed cos my son was prem and had complications – and it broke my heart cos i really wanted to. I must be like minus a hundred points here. I only joined the group cos i wasanti cc and cio but it gave me the confidence to do things MY way if I havw another, especially on the co sleeping issue! I wpuld have liked to stay but not when im being called stupid for vaccinating my boy.
Awesome! I love this. I hate how other parents get so caught up in what the books say or the ideals behind AP that they forget the central philosophy is to do what is best for YOUR child. Both my kids started solids before 6 months because THEY were ready, AP or non AP it needs to be about what works with and for your child. Sometimes when he’s having a fit, my 3 year old needs some alone time. He knows this and has told me before. It doesn’t matter what the books say, that’s what he needs. I hate when I see other parents doubting what they know is best for their child because it doesn’t fit into what some expert book says.
I might now be fully AP but we do what we can for our son. He spent the first 7 weeks of his life in the hospital with a congenital heart condition and numerous other complications. I had to have a c-section to save his life. I had to use disposables because the hospital couldn’t even let us touch him because it was too dangerous. I can’t cosleep with him because of his wires and g-tube. But I do carry him in a sling every chance I get. I hold him and don’t put him down if I can help it. He can’t cry it out, not just because I love him and want to AP, but because his heart can’t take the strain. He’s fed breastmilk through his tube rather than formula. Breastmilk that I religiously pump every 3 hours. AP is not about the things you do. It’s about your MENTALITY and how you carry out raising your child. Somethings just aren’t feasible for every child. And the finger pointing needs to stop.
Last I checked, the carriers and diapers we buy, the food we give our children, and whether or not we vaccinate has nothing to do with the basic tenets of AP. The lines between AP and natural parenting have become very ambiguous as the two tend to go hand in hand but are not mutually exclusive. We need to provide support for families practicing AP, not judgement, because it does take much more conscious and intentional parenting than mainstream ways. That can be taxing without a village. From experience, I have found leading by example to be more effective in helping families grow and learn than judgement. Everyone starts somewhere and no family is perfect.
Very well put Maria!
A previous poster commented negatively on cloth diapering and just wanted to point out that disposables use just as much water to be made as well as tree and oil to make the plastic. More than that goes into it but they comparable in many ways. Many people choose them because they take up less space in a landfill.
Not saying you have to choose cloth but there are more factors that go into it for sure. 🙂
great post, I hate when people get so obsessive about little details, besides it’s no one else’s business! i’m also AP-ish but not fully. I don’t cloth diaper and I didn’t realise vaccinations were banned in AP??
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Great post. I love this perspective. We are an AP family – babywearing, co-sleeping, gentle or peaceful parenting – but have many friends who aren’t. People do what is best for their family and I don’t judge. We do what is best for us and they do what is best for them. I am always willing to share if people have questions, but otherwise keep my opinions to myself. Thank you for sharing!