Every time the lottery hits some huge mega-jackpot, my husband starts telling me that “we” really should buy tickets, and I point out to him that he is perfectly capable of doing just that.

When we had the same conversation in the car today, he said: “I do buy lottery tickets! I’ve been buying lottery tickets since we worked at Grady’s.” (Back when we first started dating about eleventy billion years ago.)

Me: Oh, well I’ve been buying lottery tickets since I was in high school — long before your backward ass state ever got the lottery.

Him: OOOH! Well, this isn’t just “my” backward ass state anymore.

Me: Please. I don’t claim this place. (Here’s why.)

Him: Well, you better start embracing it because it’s where your daughter was born.

Me: I know. I’m sorry to have put that burden on her.

Him: I think of the three states where we are all from, mine is probably the best.

Me: New Jersey? Have you lost your mind? New Jersey is the armpit of the country. Anyway, Florida is pretty great. What do you have against Florida?

Him: Nothing. Florida is great if you’re a meth addict or you want to collect your dead grandmother’s security checks until the government finally notices.

Well, I couldn’t argue there.