We had frozen pizza for dinner — cause we are classy as fuck. I look over at Chris’ plate, and I realize that he has put cheese on top of his pepperoni pizza. Me: Why...
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Posts by: Maria
Crazy Just Kind of Finds Me
Quinn’s birthday is coming up, so I went to the Dollar Store the other day to find some things to make the decorations. While I am standing in line with my friend looking at some...
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She’s More Like a Firestarter
A friend of ours had a firetruck-themed birthday party recently, and all the kids got to pretend to be firefighters and to get on a real firetruck. It was adorable all up in that piece....
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I’m the Worst Neighborhood Watch Ever
I work from home, so I am home all day. Every morning, I get up and open the blinds looking out on the front yard, then I sit down and check e-mail. Our house is...
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Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! Just like the pilgrims said. Now, listen: I know that you all are going to be inundated with Facebook posts and forwarded e-mails and maybe even forced sharing at the Thanksgiving table about everything that your friends and family are grateful for or reminding you (you ungrateful little shit) about all the...
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Um, I guess the only “sign” would be that you are, indeed, breastfeeding your child. Ahem. Just go with this anyway — an exercise in silliness. Here are 10 signs — 10 badges of honor (right?) — that you are a breastfeeding mama or that someone you are talking to is a breastfeeding mama: ...
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When we moved into our house, this is what it looked like from the road: Oh, you can’t see the house? That’s because it’s buried behind 65 fucking trees! SIXTY. FIVE. Trees. And that’s just what’s on the side to the left of the driveway. We decided to take down some of those trees...
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When I got pregnant, I was really worried about gaining a bunch of weight and not being able to lose it. I rolled my eyes at women who complained about not being able to lose weight after having a baby. “You know, I just had a baby — two years ago.” Oh wait, but now...
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Last night was Quinn’s first Halloween — sort of. Last year, she was too young to be able to understand any of it or to take out trick-or-treating. This year, she’s still too young to be able to understand any of it, but she is old enough for it to be totally socially acceptable and...
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When you’re a parent, you’re no stranger to unsolicited advice — about everything. You’ll hear every musing, suggestion, veiled judgment and flat-out sanctimonious grandstanding about every choice you make, from the way you feed your child to how well he sleeps at night to how you discipline him. For some reason, breastfeeding seems to get...
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A Parent’s List of Honest Gratitude